How am I so OK?

Anyone who knows me knows that I have never hidden my struggles with mental health.  I would cry on my IG stories about it, in a way to bring awareness to others to let then know that they are not alone.  I made a promise to myself in 2020 that I would "protect my peace" this year by ALL MEANS NECESSARY.  

You are probably wondering, "what does it mean to protect your peace?"  That is a great question!  I started listening to podcasts more an more towards the end of 2019 and I was introduced to Trent Shelton via Rachel Hollis' podcast.  He is a motivational speaker and when I say he spoke to me....GIRL HE SPOKE TO ME!  His podcast episodes felt like they were meant for me.  He is the one who introduced me to "protect your peace" and in my own words protecting your peace simply means, you need to do whats best for you and no one else.  So I did just that.  

If you ever worked in a corporate environment then you know that it is a very numbers game.  In my opinion, I felt that my manager didn't care about me as a human being, but as a producer.  When I had great days, she loved me.  When I had a bad day, she would throw sooo much shade at me.  I couldn't be myself, express my personality or even laugh without getting in trouble.  After being in that position for a few months, I had a breakdown and took the following day off and got help.  I called my EAP (employee assistance program) and they set me up with a therapist.  That was the first step in protecting my peace.  I went to a few sessions with him and we both came to the same conclusion: my job was mentally killing me.  That may sound extreme but its true!  I would go to work and a little bit of me died every time those elevator doors opened.  I was no good to myself or my family while working there an I needed to leave.  So I began looking for new employment. 

It is always smart to not leave a job until you have a new job lined up.  That was my game plan at least.  But one bad performance review and an anxiety attack later...I. HAD. ENOUGH!  As the great Marie Forleo says "everything is figureoutable" so I put my two weeks notice in and said "fuck it".  Literally, I think after I met with my manager I said "fuck it" to myself a few times.  And OMG I felt so relieved.  I began to apply to as many jobs as possible, but lets be honest....I dont work well for other people.  So I signed up to do UberEats,  a good friend told me about her mom who has a clothing boutique that I could work at and I was like HALLELUJAH!  Everything was going to come together perfectly.  I would take the kids to daycare, do some Uber Eats delivery then work part time at this amazing clothing boutique.  Just gotta finish out my last two weeks and I'm solid!  

Then Covid-19 ruined everything. The corporate job told everyone to work from home starting March 18, so my last day in the office was March 17 (that I was not upset with...I got paid out for the rest of the week so I was like DEUCES).  The boutique I was planning to work at part time had to close their store ( cant work at a store, if its not open) and lastly my children's daycare had to close so I officially because a housewife and stay at home mom.  First off, shout out to all the SAHM out there cause let me tell you....I love my kids but sometimes they are bad.  Haha...like if I hear "that's mine" one more time i'm throwing everything away.  So needless to say the first week was rough...so rough.

But then I sat and thought about everything.  I am not a religious person but I remember praying to God a few months back like "all I need is a way to stay home and focus on my business and I know I can make it good!" and girl wont he do it.  God literally gave me what I asked for.  Time to really focus on my business without the stress of going to a desk job.  The lack of stress of figuring out how I am going to pay my bills.  The time is now and I had to act fast.  I used that first week off with the kids to figure out how to get them to cooperate with each other and with me and made a bomb routine that I still use til this day and will use for the next FOREVER!  I am utilizing my resources and learning how to take full advantage of my website and how to reach different clients with online learning that I would never have had time to do if not for this pandemic. 

So to answer the question: "How am I so OK with all that is happening around us?" is simple.  Because the thing that stressed me out the most early in March, I already let it go.  The biggest thing that made me so depressed was my job and now that I no longer have that negative energy in my life...child I am THRIVING!  My mental health has been at an all time high right now cause I am doing things that make me happy.  Granted, I still am not cool with the SAHM part and cannot wait for daycare's to open up so I can drop these kids off but I am making the most of this time with my kids and will not take it for granted.  Also, my husband is still employed so that helps A LOT! 

I am using this time to figure out what makes me truly happy and I am going for it.  Life is too short to do things that make you want to curl up in a bed and cry every night.  Figure out what makes you happy and go for it, find out what your strengths are and capitalize on that.  And as far as your weaknesses, use that as a learning opportunity and grow from it.  Dont let this time have you down, find some light at the end of this crazy tunnel and run towards it at full speed! 

 

* Jen * 


Leave a comment