This pandemic sucks!!!! LET'S KEEP IT REAL! Like who really wishes to be stuck in the house for months and not be able to leave? Not be able to see their friends or not be able to send their kids to daycare. Like who really wants that in their life? I know I don’t. I am a very extroverted person if you have not noticed. I feed off of other people’s energy. When I am around people it makes me happy to interact with others. This is why I love doing pop-up shops. It is being around other people that just brings out my best self. This is also why I hated my previous job, stuck in the cubicle like solitary confinement. It was hell… H.E. L. L. But enough of that, we have been there, and we discussed this already…let us move on.
Now we are at the next phase of this pandemic where my daughter was supposed to start kindergarten. I was supposed to drop her off like all the other cool moms and then head to Starbucks and do cool things like try and attempt to potty train my son. But this pandemic does not want me to be great LOL. This pandemic is like “let’s push Jennifer to her mental limit… what’s the one thing Jennifer hates doing… Teaching”. As much as I say I am a people person, I have extraordinarily little patience. Like trying to potty train my daughter was the most frustrating thing in my life and I owe my child’s daycare a bottle of tequila for practically potty training her for me. So now I have to teach her kindergarten. Where is the YouTube video so I can put her in front of the TV all day so she can teach herself how to read, write & spell? I am halfway kidding but not really.
And I get it, parents do this every day. You have parents that purposely home-school their kids and they love it and they thrive off of it. I am not that parent. I do not know why, maybe there is something wrong with me. Maybe my dad dropped me on my head when I was younger, and I lost a few brain cells I do not know but I am not that parent. I am the parent who comes to the PTA meeting with the baked goods that she got from the grocery store. Or the parent that will easily write a check before I will actually make something. But I digress there is a point to the blog post, I am going to get there I promise you.
I feel like I have situational anxiety. Previously, I had anxiety because I was not able to live my best life at my previous job like I said previously in blogs and past IGTV videos. Now I am having anxiety of how to deal with this part of the pandemic. It is like a whole new anxiousness about making sure I can teach my daughter the right things for kindergarten, keep my son occupied while I teach my daughter. I also have to make sure I am maintaining my business, helping my customers, and also maintaining my household. I want you to look back at that sentence and tell me what I missed in all of that.
OK I am impatient I will just tell you, I missed maintaining me. They say on planes put the oxygen mask over your own face before you go to help your child. In my mind I’m like why the heck am I not giving my daughter the oxygen mask before myself? Then it hit me…I cannot help her if I am dead. We always put others before ourselves and we need to put ourselves first. We need to take those mommy moments. Whether its “I’m taking a poop child, give mommy five minutes” and you go in the bathroom and you sit there, and he is just blank out. Or you purposely go to get groceries (with your mask on, you better be wearing your mask right now people) and you walk up and down the isles not because you need something but because you need to get out and just breathe. Or you drive around the block three times before you get home because you have your phone playing your favorite song and you put that bad boy on repeat three times and you sing your lungs out. You need to do whatever it takes for you to take a moment and breathe.
I know right before I have an anxiety attack my chest gets really tight and it makes it hard to breathe. No, I do not have the 'rona it is just an oncoming anxiety attack I swear. But I am at a point in my life where I can recognize when it is about to happen, and I know what I need to do for myself.
- I leave the situation that is making me anxious.
- Take 10 deep breaths in and ground myself to whatever is around me.
- Remind myself it is not as bad as it seems & it is going to be OK.
- Remind myself I am not as bad as I think I am
My anxiety is brought on by my “other side” [I call it the demon side of me] and it’s saying you’re a terrible mother oh my gosh you’re going to fail as a business owner and oh my gosh you do you look fat in those pants. First of all, I look phat with a PH second of all that demon Jennifer I call her Jenny... and her mom is a hoe. But you need to get out of your own head especially with this upcoming school year. You need to be able to recognize the signs of anxiety because you do not want your kids to see you anxious.
So it’s OK for you to take a break and say “you know what kids, here is some leapfrog on Netflix watch this for 30 minutes I’m going to go to the bathroom and take a poop” a.k.a. have a breakdown and rebuild myself and come back stronger. Do you know how many times I have had breakdowns but came back stronger and better than ever? Three times this week. Probably on the same day LOL but it makes me human. I am not perfect, there is no perfect parent. And in this time no one has the right answers. But we are not giving up either and we are going to make it, together.
So, remember this as you go into the fall season, you are not a bad parent and if your kid fails kindergarten it is ok. That part I am just kidding about, I do not think it is possible to fail kindergarten but let us just knock on wood anyway. And remember to give yourself grace and take those mommy moments daily because you deserve it. And coming from a mother, I know what you are going through is extremely hard so if you need someone to call or complain to or scream to that’s not going to judge you, I’m here! Just remember take your mommy moments and breathe. And lastly, if you need to spend some money to feel better that target dollar section is amazing!
Have a great day