What not to say when someone is pregnant
Everyone has an opinion to give you when you are pregnant. And majority of the time it is not given to be malicious or rude, it's just a "girl, here is a heads up on pregnancy that I dealt with and want to give you a heads up." But some of the advice given can be considered insensitive or down right RUDE!
I asked a local mom group that I am in what are some things that have been said to them while they were pregnant that they took offense to. These are their stories [insert Law & Order "duh duh"]
Belly size: "are you sure you're not having twins" or "you know its ok to eat more, you ARE pregnant ya know"
PLEASE STOP COMMENTING ON WOMENS SIZE! Not all pregnancies are created equal. Some people show more than others and unless you are that woman's OB/GYN, leave her alone. Also, did you know the more kids you have the sooner & bigger you show? This is my 4th pregnancy and I swear I was showing the minute the sperm fertilized the egg. The minute you get pregnant, if its your second or third pregnancy, your body remembers what happened last time and immediately starts to take form. Don't feel bad if you feel like you are bigger than you were with your previous pregnancy. It is completely normal and there is nothing wrong with it. Also if it is your first child and you feel like you are not showing a lot, don't feel bad. As long as your OB is not concerned, then neither should you. Also, you don't know what a woman has gone through in her pregnancy that she has not shared publicly. She may have been pregnant with multiples but lost one at some point in the pregnancy so asking her if she is pregnant with twins is very triggering.
Your delivery preference: Hospital vs Home birth | Epidural vs Natural delivery
There are pros and cons to every delivery option known to man. Whether you deliver in a hospital vs at home. Whether you use an epidural vs go all natural. Whether you have a water birth vs on a bed, someone has an opinion. The ultimate decision is between you, your significant other and your OB. Trying to push your birth preference on someone else is not the move. You do not know their medical history, their prior birth trauma or have access to their chart. What worked for you may not work for anyone else. With my personal history, I am considered high risk so a home birth IS NOT AN OPTION. And yes I can do "hard things" but just can I can, does not mean I want to [insert side eye] so the fact that I may have to deliver this child naturally due to my spinal fusion got me ready to pull my hair out. So when people tell me "just deliver at home, you can do hard things" I really wanna scream at them like "leave me alone and let me go to this hospital and ransack all the goodies they have in the recovery room."
"You're pregnant, again?" Or my personal favorite "I thought you hated being pregnant?"
YOU'RE ALLOWED TO HAVE AS MANY CHILDREN AS YOU WANT TO & YOU ARE ALLOWED TO HATE BEING PREGNANT AND WANT MORE KIDS. Some people want to have a big family and want their children close in age. It makes sense to have them babies back to back because once the youngest one is outta diapers, it makes it harder to want to go through that infant phase with infant diapers all over again. My theory is, if you are able to have them babies back to back then more power to you, sis! With that being said, not all pregnancies are created equal and I am one of those women who have rough pregnancies. Pregnancy is not glamorous for me, between the spitting or extreme morning sickness and growing pains....it is hard for me when I am pregnant. But I understand that if I want more children, I need to suck it up and tough it out because the end result is so worth it.
"Why are you always tired? I was never tired when I was pregnant" or "When I was pregnant, I never acted like this"
There is a common sentence that I will be repeating in this post....NOT ALL PREGNANCIES ARE CREATED EQUAL!!!! There are some women that have to be hooked up to a PICC line in order to just stay hydrated, some women who have to be on medical bed rest just to keep the pregnancy viable. Pregnancy is not easy for women and judging them for being tired, or resting or not having the same energy they had prior to being pregnant is insensitive. We [pregnant women] are already hard on ourselves, we don't need to hear it from our friends/family.
"Breast is best"
NO! Fed is best. Not everyone is able to breastfeed, that is the reason they invented formula, dummy.
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So again if you can’t tell, I am hormonal and have a lot to say on this topic as I am currently pregnant. And to hear that other women go through this and feel like they can't speak up for themselves, hurts my soul. Instead of offering your well intended advice, please try and not say any of the things mentioned above. Instead say things like this:
- Your pregnancy size is perfect!
- Whichever delivery option you decide is perfect!
- I am happy that you are expanding your family!
- I am sorry you are not feeling well, how can I help you and your family?
- Whichever way you decide to feed your family is fine with me!
Here is my reminder that not all pregnancies are created equal and to not compare yours to someone else's. And if you are looking for the perfect baby shower gift for that special pregnant lady in your life, check out Jamison & Bexleys New Bae Box!